684 replies to this topic

[Stevie Dubyah]

I challenged my wife to say something that would make me feel happy and sad at the same time. 

She said: "You have a bigger cock than your brother"

[KurtVerbose]

How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for the fresh prints.....

[Sutol]

The police found two vagrants. One was eating a firework, the other was drinking battery acid. They decided to charge one and let the other off. Boom boom!

[mark_vx]

I never clean my mirror - it reflects badly on me.

[mark_vx]

I'm looking to start up my own business, recycling discarded chewing gum. Just need help getting it off the ground.

[mark_vx]

I stole from the bakery this morning - it was a piece of cake.

[mark_vx]

Running away doesn't help you with your problems....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

unless you're fat.

[mark_vx]

Wind turbines. I'm a big fan.

[mark_vx]

I watched the end of the national hot-air balloon convention on Saturday. It was just a huge let down.

[mark_vx]

Someone secretly puts fertiliser on my vegetable patch at night... The plot thickens.

[mark_vx]

Thank God for Darwin, eh...

[mark_vx]

If you suck at playing the trumpet, that's probably why.

[mark_vx]

My time machine and I go way back.

[mark_vx]

I just bought a new blindfold, I can't see myself wearing it though.

 

[mark_vx]

My job at the cement factory seems to get harder and harder.

[mark_vx]

If you were disappointed with what you received this Christmas, just remember somewhere, someone was unwrapping a Man United shirt.

[mark_vx]

My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.

[mark_vx]

I hate Russian dolls, they're so full of themselves.

[mark_vx]

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain.

[mark_vx]

My girlfriend started smoking, so I slowed down and applied Lubricant.