I bet nobody who had a job interview in 2015 got the answer right when they were asked "Where do you see yourself in five years' time?"
One Liners :lol:
Started by
Nelly Vx
, Oct 09 2012 10:02 PM
684 replies to this topic
#621
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Posted 11 July 2020 - 04:32 PM
#622
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Posted 14 July 2020 - 03:24 PM
Apparently the Norwegian navy has taken painting barcodes on the side of their ships ... so then they come back to port, they can Scandinavian.
#623
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Posted 30 July 2020 - 08:31 PM
Why are the Chinese crap at cricket ? They keep eating the bats
#624
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Posted 17 August 2020 - 07:12 PM
Delorean For Sale: only used from time to time!
#625
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Posted 24 August 2020 - 05:03 PM
I asked the librarian to recommend an author who writes dinosaur books. "Try Sarah Topps" she replied.
#626
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Posted 02 October 2020 - 05:00 PM
The cashier told me - "strip down facing me" ... how was I to know she meant my debit card??
#627
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Posted 02 October 2020 - 06:35 PM
That's close to a joke I use quite a lot if I think I can get away with it. I put my card in the wrong way round so it gets refused and then I say to the cashier "Did I put it in the wrong way?" When they say yes I say "Damn, if I had a penny for every time a woman has said that to me..." If I see the response is a frown I quickly apologise and say "Sorry, forgot we're not allowed to make politically incorrect jokes like that any more."
The cashier told me - "strip down facing me" ... how was I to know she meant my debit card??
That's close to a joke I use quite a lot if I think I can get away with it. I put my card in the wrong way round so it gets refused and then I say to the cashier "Did I put it in the wrong way?" When they say yes I say "Damn, if I had a penny for every time a woman has said that to me..." If I see the response is a frown I quickly apologise and say "Sorry, forgot we're not allowed to make politically incorrect jokes like that any more."
#628
chris_uk
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Posted 02 October 2020 - 07:15 PM
what your hoping for is for a cheeky smile and for her to grab your hand and say " i can show you if you like"
#629
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Posted 10 October 2020 - 09:23 AM
The local cheese shop had an explosion - da brie everywhere!
#630
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Posted 10 October 2020 - 06:42 PM
I wish.
The closest I've ever come to something like that was a spinster secretary called Judith who came in my office one Monday and asked what I'd been doing over the weekend. "Servicing my car" I replied. "I need a service," she said. "What you or your car?" I said jokingly. "If you come round I'll let you decide," she said.
what your hoping for is for a cheeky smile and for her to grab your hand and say " i can show you if you like"
I wish.
The closest I've ever come to something like that was a spinster secretary called Judith who came in my office one Monday and asked what I'd been doing over the weekend. "Servicing my car" I replied. "I need a service," she said. "What you or your car?" I said jokingly. "If you come round I'll let you decide," she said.
#631
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Posted 11 October 2020 - 01:19 PM
And.....
#632
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Posted 12 October 2020 - 02:18 PM
And.....
#633
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Posted 30 October 2020 - 04:44 PM
It's my wife's birthday tomorrow and she has been leaving jewellery catalogues everywhere ... so I have bought her a magazine rack!
#634
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Posted 10 November 2020 - 04:45 PM
If your cup is only half full...you probably need a smaller bra
#635
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Posted 25 November 2020 - 09:06 PM
I just caught a disgusting pervert on the bus watching porn over my shoulder!
#636
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Posted 26 November 2020 - 08:19 AM
Sorry about that. 
#637
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Posted 27 November 2020 - 08:38 PM
Tesco, Asda and Co-op are giving a free Turkey to anyone that can outrun security.
#638
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Posted 02 December 2020 - 05:05 PM
Right! I betting £100 that Lewis Hamilton won't even make the podium next weekend! Any takers?
#639
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Posted 08 December 2020 - 07:00 PM
It came as a complete shock to the family that my grandad is hooked on Viagra, no one is taking it harder than my grandma.
#640
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Posted 08 December 2020 - 07:05 PM
I wonder what Bill Gates did with his first day in control of that 90 year old woman from Coventry...
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