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One Liners :lol:

Started by Nelly Vx , Oct 09 2012 10:02 PM

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#661 FLD

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Posted 10 March 2021 - 10:11 AM

A chemist froze himself at -273.15 deg C.  His family were really worried but he was 0k.


#662 hairy

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Posted 25 March 2021 - 05:59 PM

I can't believe they're still making Linda McCartney sausages - there can't be much left of her now surely?


#663 hairy

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Posted 04 April 2021 - 04:28 PM

I spotted an albino dalmation. It was the least I could do.


#664 SteveA

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Posted 14 April 2021 - 12:06 PM

I always thought orthopaedic shoes were a waste of time and money. I stand corrected.

#665 hairy

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Posted 20 April 2021 - 05:48 PM

Loofahs come in 4 sizes - Small, Medium, Large and Vandross.


#666 oblomov

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Posted 20 April 2021 - 06:27 PM

 

Loofahs come in 4 sizes - Small, Medium, Large and Vandross.

 
Heh, had to ponder that for a moment :-)

#667 iceman

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Posted 26 April 2021 - 08:05 AM

 

Loofahs come in 4 sizes - Small, Medium, Large and Vandross.

 
Heh, had to ponder that for a moment :-)

 

Glol 

 

...the 'genuine' being a real one there (as they seldom are..i would have thought) for i did start to ponder and then had to stop myself in case i reached a conclusion...too early in the morning [/schmilsson]


#668 hairy

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Posted 28 April 2021 - 04:47 PM

They are going to fire the employee with the worst posture ... I have a hunch, it might be me.


#669 hairy

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Posted 28 April 2021 - 04:48 PM

My wife complains about constantly being sexually harassed at work. I told her she can stop working from home and go back to the office if she doesn’t like it.


#670 hairy

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Posted 05 May 2021 - 07:33 PM

It's a 5 minute walk to my local pub and a 35 minute walk home ... the difference is staggering!


#671 888 Fishcake

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Posted 13 May 2021 - 06:58 PM

Scientists have identified a new and virulent covid pathogen, informally known as the 'Peek-a-boo' variant.

Anyone diagnosed with Peek-a-boo is being referred immediately to ICU.

#672 hairy

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Posted 15 May 2021 - 10:33 AM

when I was young, I was poor. After years of hard work, I'm no longer young.


#673 hairy

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Posted 21 May 2021 - 04:50 PM

Just to reassure my scouse mates, you are being offered a "jab" not a "job", so don't panic.


#674 hairy

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Posted 24 May 2021 - 05:55 PM

I got called for jury service so I asked them how long it would be for ...  they said just a trial period.


#675 hairy

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Posted 06 June 2021 - 04:03 PM

If you watch Jaws backwards, it's a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.

#676 hairy

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Posted 08 June 2021 - 08:15 PM

My mate told me he'd failed an exam in aboriginal music. I asked him: “Did you redo it?”


#677 Ivor

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Posted 08 June 2021 - 08:28 PM

My mate told me he'd failed an exam in aboriginal music. I asked him: “Did you redo it?”

I think that's a repeat, but a worthy repeat

#678 Sutol

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Posted 09 June 2021 - 04:55 AM

Are you a fan of Viz magazine Hairy?

#679 hairy

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Posted 09 June 2021 - 04:45 PM

Oh yes, but it's been a while since I saw one.


#680 TheRealVXed

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Posted 17 June 2021 - 07:05 AM

I can't believe they're still making Linda McCartney sausages - there can't be much left of her now surely?

 

:lol: this one really tickled me


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