713 replies to this topic

[Ivor]

German sausage jokes....just the Wurst.....

[Ivor]

German cane to stay with us, served him cabbage, he hated it, miserable for days he was, what a sauerkraut

Edited by Ivor, 25 March 2025 - 12:19 PM.

[hairy]

I heard about a german who traded his sausage for a seabird ... he took a tern for the wurst.

[KurtVerbose]

If you read it with the umlaut, the joke doesn’t work

 

Even without the umlaut it doesn't work with a German pronunciation. The 'e' at the end isn't silent.

 

[SteveA]

I bet you’re fun at parties

[KurtVerbose]

I bet you’re fun at parties

 

I deserved that.

[oblomov]

Where I go on holiday is a favourite German holiday destination.  They tend to understand a lot more English than they let on, apparently a lot of them watch the English soaps.  So, when we're around them my wife and I speak Welsh.  My wife gets really annoyed with me because when we're in close proximity with them I inject the word 'kraut' in to the conversation loudly, which immediately evokes a strong reaction from them, and I have job keeping a straight face as they give me funny looks and mutter to each other.

 

My other favourite when there are Germans all around us is to pretend to answer my phone, then I go - Eimichterspliff seigleubersundermufter graberuchterpum mit eine smorgasbord chwiftersmoog - ya ya,  chwiftersmoog eidelvise grupenfurer chwaithchwilio smug - ya ya, verabschiedung.  Now because I speak Welsh I'm able to make all the ch sounds very gutteral and roll the rest of it around my tonguel.  When I finish the pretend call there will be absolute f*****g silence all around from the Germans and I have to sit there and struggle to keep a straight face without making eye contact with any of them..  Often my wife will get up and walk away the moment I start.  I have a weird sense of humour, but it absolutely cracks me up.

[hairy]

Where I go on holiday is a favourite German holiday destination.  They tend to understand a lot more English than they let on, apparently a lot of them watch the English soaps.  So, when we're around them my wife and I speak Welsh.  My wife gets really annoyed with me because when we're in close proximity with them I inject the word 'kraut' in to the conversation loudly, which immediately evokes a strong reaction from them, and I have job keeping a straight face as they give me funny looks and mutter to each other.

 

My other favourite when there are Germans all around us is to pretend to answer my phone, then I go - Eimichterspliff seigleubersundermufter graberuchterpum mit eine smorgasbord chwiftersmoog - ya ya,  chwiftersmoog eidelvise grupenfurer chwaithchwilio smug - ya ya, verabschiedung.  Now because I speak Welsh I'm able to make all the ch sounds very gutteral and roll the rest of it around my tonguel.  When I finish the pretend call there will be absolute f*****g silence all around from the Germans and I have to sit there and struggle to keep a straight face without making eye contact with any of them..  Often my wife will get up and walk away the moment I start.  I have a weird sense of humour, but it absolutely cracks me up.

 

[bugsy]

From Laughing out loud ...

Went to the graveyard earlier and a man appeared from behind a gravestone. I said "Morning". He replied "No, taking a sh*t"

[Ivor]

From Laughing out loud ...
Went to the graveyard earlier and a man appeared from behind a gravestone. I said "Morning". He replied "No, taking a sh*t"

Funniest for a while

[bugsy]

My wife and I had an argument so I decided to make a curry for her to make up. She won't eat it because it's got ginger in it.

She really loved that cat.

[Ivor]

My wife and I had an argument so I decided to make a curry for her to make up. She won't eat it because it's got ginger in it.
She really loved that cat.

Think we've had that one, still funny tho

[casino]

 

Where I go on holiday is a favourite German holiday destination.  They tend to understand a lot more English than they let on, apparently a lot of them watch the English soaps.  So, when we're around them my wife and I speak Welsh.  My wife gets really annoyed with me because when we're in close proximity with them I inject the word 'kraut' in to the conversation loudly, which immediately evokes a strong reaction from them, and I have job keeping a straight face as they give me funny looks and mutter to each other.

 

My other favourite when there are Germans all around us is to pretend to answer my phone, then I go - Eimichterspliff seigleubersundermufter graberuchterpum mit eine smorgasbord chwiftersmoog - ya ya,  chwiftersmoog eidelvise grupenfurer chwaithchwilio smug - ya ya, verabschiedung.  Now because I speak Welsh I'm able to make all the ch sounds very gutteral and roll the rest of it around my tonguel.  When I finish the pretend call there will be absolute f*****g silence all around from the Germans and I have to sit there and struggle to keep a straight face without making eye contact with any of them..  Often my wife will get up and walk away the moment I start.  I have a weird sense of humour, but it absolutely cracks me up.

 

 

ummmm I’m not sure where the punch line is in this one, maybe it’s the Bajan in me making me a bit dense.?.

 

 

 

[SteveA]

From Laughing out loud ...
Went to the graveyard earlier and a man appeared from behind a gravestone. I said "Morning". He replied "No, taking a sh*t"

Very funny reminds me of my favourite Gary Delaney joke.

As Mr Darcy kissed her neck she flushed angrily, “Get out, I’m having a sh*t!”