882 replies to this topic

[jules_s]

i burnt my nose on saturday

How?

sunburn doesnt count though

One of my colleagues (the one with the messy desk) must have a had a bad weekend. He is constantly muttering things under his breath, I fear for his mental health

[CupidKnewRap]

same here. edit: assuming sunburn given what you were doing

Edited by CupidKnewRap, 20 June 2005 - 09:02 AM.

[LazyDonkey]

Yes sunburn was quite a shock when i got up on sunday morning to find I had a bright red nose Must have looked REALLY attractive on sat night

[JimH]

I had a dream about not having started my final year project even though there was only four weeks to go. I like these dreams because it's nice to wake up and realise that was all a long time ago.

[LazyDonkey]

I always have dreams where I'm supposed to be somewhere by a certain time. leave in plenty of time but then the car breaks down, the buses are on strike, a parade goes through the city etc etc I end up getting really upset cos its not my fault I'm late etc etc Apparetly it means im a control freak

[JimH]

I love that meaning of dreams sh*t. What a load of weapons grade bollocks. You dream for many hours every night and can remember only a tiny fraction of them. Based on that some washed up hippy freak will tell you that you needed to hug your mother more and you need to learn to let go. What a load of cack.

[LazyDonkey]

I love that meaning of dreams sh*t. What a load of weapons grade bollocks. You dream for many hours every night and can remember only a tiny fraction of them. Based on that some washed up hippy freak will tell you that you needed to hug your mother more and you need to learn to let go. What a load of cack.

Not a fan then ?

[CupidKnewRap]

Male Monkeys will pay for 'porn' but they have to be bribed if the female monkey in the porn is ugly

Edited by CupidKnewRap, 20 June 2005 - 09:30 AM.

[jules_s]

Male Monkeys will pay for 'porn'

but they have to be bribed if the female monkey in the porn is ugly

WTF?

[CupidKnewRap]

research commisioned by my least favourite charity. Cure for autism now!! (tossers) They train monkeys with food and fruit juice treats but if you give them photos of monkey sex and the female is high ranking in her set then they'll give the treat back in exchange for the photo. If it's a low ranking female then you have to give them another couple of treats to keep them interested.

Edited by CupidKnewRap, 20 June 2005 - 10:00 AM.

[jules_s]

What is it with family fcuking portraits heh?

they get in the strangest places

>clicky<

[CupidKnewRap]

wierd and almost subtle

[JimH]

Our pledge to you is; that if any person should gain illegal access through a properly locked door from our prestigious range, we will replace it free of charge.

No mention of who is going to clean the turd off the carpet. If he promised to do that I'd buy one tomorrow.

[jules_s]

Our pledge to you is; that if any person should gain illegal access through a properly locked door from our prestigious range, we will replace it free of charge.

No mention of who is going to clean the turd off the carpet. If he promised to do that I'd buy one tomorrow.

I thought the bed was the current burglars preference for turd depositing?

Agreed though, I read that and thought WTF? so he supplies you a door that allows your house to be burgled, then re-supplies another FOC cos the first was shiste? or did he mean the lock???

either way its bollox anyways

[CupidKnewRap]

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> Oracle,
>
> I have three cats. Two speak normally and say 'miaow',
> but the third, still a kitten, says 'miaowmaiow'.
> Why is this?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

Cat translation dictionary
Volume I -- Common phrases

compiled by usenet Oracle

Cat phrase Means
========== =====
miaow Feed me.
meeow Pet me.
mrow I feel like making noise.
rrrow-mawww Please, the time is come to tidy the cat box.
rrrow-miawww I have remedied the cat box untidiness by shoveling
the contents as far out of the box as was practical.
miaowmiaow Play with me.
Miaowmioaw Have you noticed the shortage of
available cat toys in this room?
mioawmioaw Since I can find nothing better to
play with, I shall see what happens
when I sharpen my claws on this
handy piece of furniture.
raowwwww I think I shall now spend time
licking the most private parts of my anatomy.
mrowwwww I am now recalling, with sorrow, that some of my private
parts did not return with me from the vet.

Roww-maww-roww I am so glad to see that you have
returned home with both arms full
of groceries. I will now rub myself
against your legs and attempt to
trip you as you walk towards the
kitchen.
gakk-ak-ak My digestive passages seem to have
formed a hairball. Wherever could
this have come from? I shall leave
it here upon the carpet.
mow Snuggling is a good idea.
moww Shedding is pretty good, too.
mowww! I was enjoying snuggling and shedding
in the warm clean laundry until you
removed me so unkindly.
mroow I have forced my body into a tiny space in order to look cute.
How am I doing?
Miaow! Miaow! I have discovered that, although one
may be able to wedge his body through
the gap behind the stove and into that
little drawer filled with pots and pans,
the reverse path is slightly more
difficult to navigate.

Mraakk! Oi, small bird! Come over here.
ssssRoww! I believe that I have found a squirrel or similar animal.
mmmrowmmm It is certain that the best tasting rodent is one you have
caught yourself.


As you can see, it may take years of practice to be able to accurately
distinguish some of these forms.

You owe the Oracle a can opener that doesn't require an opposable
thumb.

[JimH]

I've just bought a Cow and Chicken video.

[madasahatter]

Am I the only one who finds that hot drinks (such as tea and coffee) don't cool you down at all - even in the long term? I dunno who decided that because people in hot countries drink hot drinks that it must be cooling

[jules_s]

Cow and chicken I was always told that drinking hot drinks 'balanced' your internal/external temperatures if its hot

[Bob the Blob]

My estimated electricty bill has arrived. £41.18 - seems about right. I'll pay it on Thursday.

[Richy]

I can make my Ears move