8089 replies to this topic

[fluffy]

Top gear magazine Would michael (I have friends that have £150k+ to spend on cars...?) harvey please learn that we do not want jeremy clarkson on the front cover of every issue - he only writes a small column for you not the whole bloody magazine. Stop effing hanging onto his coat tails or whatever the metaphor is. Also stop using such bloody vacant models. In fact stop using models full stop. When you read Evo you invariably see pictures of cars driven by the editorial staff and there's in jokes and stuff to make it feel like they are a bunch of enthusiasts. Top gear seems to be page after page of vacant model staring into space and wondering what the big lump of shiny metal is next to them and what the 4 bits of rubber are that connect it to the ground. Also stop being so bloody lazy! What use is a 3 page spread of a load of hillbilly's doing demolition derby with no text whatsoever. Pictures are great, but only in conjuction with some enthusiastic writing so you feel you're there or at least go off and learn more about it. As for your obsession with keeping bringing up the same things in every issue. Stop it! Yes we know cars is going to be a good movie. You told us 3 months ago. Then 2 months ago you gave preview pictures (see above), then last month you gave us some interesting behind the scenes information, and then this month we get an interview with the guy that came up with the idea. Why not keep it all together and move on! Finally stop being an up yourself prick. Just because you have a rich successful "friend" who has the money to buy an aston martin rapide does not in any way make you cool. Or wealthy. Nor does hiring the best journalists from other titles to make your magazine better. You can make your mag better if you just stop being a cheese dick. And now my lunchtimes finished I'm off.

[TurboTomato]

I got peppered this morning on the way to work, including in the cock pit.

Ouch

[fluffy]

and another thing... Customers who phone up and say "is that Bob?" when I (Ewan) answer the phone. Bob is the MD but I have been with this company for 4 months and deal with every single little thing including the customers being incredibly dense and trying to break our tools every 5 minutes (and then demanding a replacement free of charge). I exist you pricks! Who dealt with your enquiry last time? Me! Who will deal will this one? Me! Bob will just say the same thing I will, but probably not in such a polite way because you're a stupid time waster who wonders why your ball joint separator keeps breaking. Well maybe if you read the manual and realise that it doesn't need a blow torch held on it for an hour first and then walloping it repeatedly with a sledgehammer - this part also doesn't appear in the manual - you wouldn't need to buy a replacement. Bloody garage mechanics!!! (thats who most of our customers are incidentally). The stories I could tell you lot make me very glad I do my own servicing to my car. Mostly its the franchise dealers, and also quite depressingly frequently Kwik fit... Grrrr!!!! Feel much better now!

[LazyDonkey]

People who call themselves "data / MI analysts" who couldn't find their ar*e with both hands. Easy ways to spot said individuals (all are real examples I've had in the last six months) 1. They send you data in an excel document 2. Said excel document has exactly 65,535 rows in it.....you ask if there is anymore and they say "no that's it all" 3. If you send them a CSV they will phone up and ask you why the data has so many commas in it 4. They have a email signature that features embedded HTML that makes their job title fly in from the side 5. They'll proudly tell you how many years experience they've had in some sh*t Mickey mouse GUI (eg. crystal, Bus. Objects) 6. They ask what system you'll use to analyse the results - you say SeQueL - and they say "is that the same as Microsoft S-Q-L server?" 7. You supply a pipe delimited CSV file with 300k records and they ask you to re-supply it in "MS access format" 8. They think Control cells are new fangled police holding areas 9. They come out with statements like "I've noticed that everyone who has complained last week called at least three times, therefore I'm going to contact everyone who's called three times and therefore reduce complaints" When you try and explain the subtleties of cause and effect to them they look at you as if you are nuts and then carry on with their activity. 3 months later they will question your analysis that said it didn't work. ......and number 10 ? They work for a large blue chip company and have never actually been exposed to the real world. (Apologies this is a bit of a techy one but I know there are a few kindred spirits on the board!)

[TurboTomato]

Stop mincing your words martin, get off the fence!!

[LazyDonkey]

Ive had a bad morning Paul - can you tell ?

[fluffy]

this months tg magazine has more bloody vacant models in it attempting to drive an alfa spider... Words fail me....

[jules_s]

>grrrrrrr<

[JimH]

4. They have a email signature that features embedded HTML that makes their job title fly in from the side

Nobody could be that much of a doodah. Please tell me you are making that up. I refuse to believe that there is anyone, anywhere who could scale those heights of sheer doodahishness.

[jules_s]

4. They have a email signature that features embedded HTML that makes their job title fly in from the side

Nobody could be that much of a doodah. Please tell me you are making that up. I refuse to believe that there is anyone, anywhere who could scale those heights of sheer doodahishness.

E-mail signatures in a different font are bad enough

[JimH]

Oh oh oh a name in a scripty font? 'Cos that makes it look like you fcuking signed it personally doesn't it? Thinking about it the sort of doodah that would use a scripty font is just the sort of person to attempt to sign the screen.

[LazyDonkey]

4. They have a email signature that features embedded HTML that makes their job title fly in from the side

Nobody could be that much of a doodah. Please tell me you are making that up. I refuse to believe that there is anyone, anywhere who could scale those heights of sheer doodahishness.

I tell no lie ! I cant upload it at the moment but if someone can host it, i've made a wee HTML file

[JimH]

Why on earth would you do that? Surely if you are the sort of person to do that then you don't need tell everyone what you are. They know already.

[jules_s]

Pass it my way lazy......will that host on photobucket?

[LazyDonkey]

Sent you a PM jules. If photobucket doens't work I'll host it when i get home. Still makes me laugh

[jules_s]

Replied... Seems Hotmail is down though, so I will await your hosting later on I REALLY want to customise mine in a manner not befitting my job

[LazyDonkey]

Ok here you go.....

Hope you aren't disappointed .....

Click my ass and be embarrassed for the person


EDIT : For full effect click REFRESH when you click onto the page

Edited by LazyDonkey, 02 August 2006 - 07:03 PM.

[jules_s]

[cheeky_chops]

People who call themselves "data / MI analysts"

THATS ME!!