104 replies to this topic

[dw1]

Here's a starter for ten... Pot Hole Shock – (novice) the emotion all new owners experience when hearing the ‘loud clang’ going over their first pot hole. This is usually followed by Chassis Panic. Chassis Panic – the wide eyed ‘has my car fallen apart, is it ok?’ sense of panic whist under the influence of Pot Hole Shock. Pot Hole Slalom – the sometimes sudden and violent swerving motion a driver makes to avoid hitting a pot hole. A regular practice by all VX owners and probably a little unnerving for anyone following as it looks like we’re pissed. It also brings a smile to the face due to the cornering sensations. Only applies to people who have experienced Pot Hole Shock or sufferers of Chassis Panic. VX Grin – the slightly manic grin created by the use of right foot and arms whilst sat in a moving VX. Spring Ping – the sudden noise when your clutch spring decides to go pop, can induce a bout of Chassis Panic until cause is located. The 20 Minute Milk Shake – what happens to your tub of ice cream on the way back from the supermarket. Boot Tetris – the rotational game of fitting a significant heap of different shaped objects into a confined space, you don’t need an xbox just a vxboot. Sidemouth Exhale – the sideways, pursed lips breathing done in winter to prevent the windscreen misting up Stocking Fetish – the hosiery fetish developed after a dose of Cabin Wasp Cabin Wasp – when a wasp or fly suddenly appears through your vent. A likely ailment for those not suffering from Stocking Fetish. Cottage Cheese – the primary ingredient of VX paint. Cadbury’s Flake – the other main ingredient in VX paint, applied by Vauxhall particularly around the front bumper and bonnet region. Heater Blues – the realisation that it’s as good as it gets with your heater. It’s also called the blues because this is the colour you turn in the middle of winter. Bootlid Head – the flatspot on the top of your head got from using it as a boot lid prop instead of the metal pole supplied. Knob Rattle – the noise that directly precedes your knob (of any kind) falling off. Toll Booth Tourettes – the outbreak of swearing brought on by trying to reach over and up to pay the toll booth person, made worse on the continent. Door Slam Wince – owners facial expression brought on by a passenger unaware of Cadbury’s Flake and Cottage Cheese. Owners Wave – the involuntary arm movement caused by the rare sight of another VX. Seat Gobbler – the ability of your seat to eat just about anything small in it’s vicinity. Give up retrieval or risk getting Underseat Hand Underseat Hand – your bruised and battered hands are the tell tale sign that you lost your latest CD to the Seat Gobbler. Wiper Numpty – pulling back your wiper when cleaning your car forgetting first to open the bonnet. Dealer Dilemma – the fretting over which dealer to use and whether they will write off your baby or scratch it up. Dealers are known to employ Wiper Numpties. Forum Withdrawal – the feeling that your car will not survive if you are offline for longer than 3 days without the support of the forum. Sheer Joy – the state of mind derived just by owning a VX220.

Edited by dw1, 04 July 2006 - 09:16 PM.

[PIYKE]

Pot Hole Shock – this happened to me last week, but this shock cut my engine out. Called the AA out found the impact sensor left side of rear engine had cut the fuel line, wouldn’t start. AA chap reset it, was away again in less than 2 minutes

[ChazUwe]

very amusing

[johnaachen]

I like Bootlid Head the most!!! Not sure of the word to describe it but the "procedure" I tend to give people when they first get in.....and out "Dont push off that" "careful not to...." "just try it like it that" "watch me do it first....and I have a steering wheel in front of me" "dont slam the door" "what did i tell you about slamming the door?!" "yes i know but you get used to it" Oh no! I have broken your thread!

Edited by johnaachen, 04 July 2006 - 09:44 PM.

[luna_s]

Weather Watching, constantly looking towards the sky from nearest window as you've left the roof off in the car park. How Fast Does it Go - First question you always get asked from anyone - including police people.

[kjmac]

Utterly spot on dw1! Especially the door slamming. Bar-stewards, all of them for breaking my toy. Ken

[Tolksee]

dw1 - that's the funniest post I've ever seen on this forum!! Love it! I'll add a few: The Hot Wash & Wax Club - Those select few people who have had their front radator blow. The Back Fold & Flop - Method of getting into the car with the roof on Pressure Parping - Inadvertantly beeping the horn when caneing it round a bend / roundabout.

Edited by Tolksee, 04 July 2006 - 11:12 PM.

[mal_dun]

The Lepton - an infinitely variable measure of forward travel whose value changes relative to mph so that it's never above the legal limit Circle dancing - an unexpected event sometimes brought about by a heavy right foot at a roundabout Granny driving - method of forward travel in the wet Luke warmer - a device that blows air into the cabin by means of a fan Just thought I'd add a few to an really funny thread I nearly forgot one of the most important Gav (n or v) - an incident that causes damage to the beloved VX (the Gav or to Gav)

[luna_s]

yeah great thread needs to be a sticky ! shocking knocking - stark realisation you've joined the engine mount club, can be combined with chassis panic. VX Stopping Lottery - The will it or wont it stopping aspect of the sensational VX220 ABS system, combined with brown trouser cloth pinching.

[VXT Tim]

Sidemouth Exhale – the sideways, pursed lips breathing done in winter to prevent the windscreen misting up Made me laugh out loud

[Trevski220]

Good Effort, Very Funny Thread! Strange sitting here reading it that i can vividly remember my first "pot Hole shock and Chassis Panic"!!! And now regularly enjoy participating in " Pot Hole Slalom"

[adamduk]

Genius

[NickH]

Brilliant thread - absolutely love it

[Tolksee]

Winter Lockout - You can't get into your VX as the locks have frozen. Wee Dilemma - The dilemma faced by VX owners when they have Winter Lockout and no nearby source of warm liquid.

Edited by Tolksee, 05 July 2006 - 11:27 AM.

[mainline]

What an ace thread! I've tried a couple myself... Cooling Fan Lottery - A game usually played in stationery traffic where the driver waits for the magic number to appear and the fan to cut in Half Audi Knee - The two ring pattern remniniscent of the Audi rings burnt into the knees of those who lean against the hot exhaust pipes whilst playing Boot Tetris Forecourt Moment - The feeling of pride and joy when stepping out of a garage and seeing the VX parked between the repmobiles

[Tony_M]

Class

1. Mod Fettish - The inability to leave anything standard on you VX

2. Dealer Phobia - The fear of all things Dealer related, normaly quoted as "you took you car to them..."

3. Beer Boots - Those select few who have managed to explode beer cans in their boot

4. Car Park Arms - Always too short to reach the ticket machine in your local multi-story

5. WHAT, EH, PARDON - The rather stunted and vocal conversations that you can't really have with your passengers due to engine noise or having the roof off.

6. Diesil Phobia - The fear of wet tarmac which can result in Granny like driving or sudden painful interuptions in the VX experience

7. The Weggie - Otherwise known as "I'm Stuck Dear" being the usual cry from older passengers having forced their way into your VX.

8. The Gringe - The unsettling combination of a cringe and a manic grin as you approach a speed hump and hope your not too low.

9. Extra Sensory Perception - The art of being constantly on the look out for the boy's in blue, and their scammeras.

10. Drip Drip - The result of having failed to read the local weather pattens correctly. In extreeme cases this can result in the 'cup floweth over' see below

11. Cup Floweth Over - Sudden thunder storms and other freek weather filling your cup holder with rain water.

What an ace thread!

I've tried a couple myself...

Cooling Fan Lottery - A game usually played in stationery traffic where the driver waits for the magic number to appear and the fan to cut in

Half Audi Knee - The two ring pattern remniniscent of the Audi rings burnt into the knees of those who lean against the hot exhaust pipes whilst playing Boot Tetris

Forecourt Moment - The feeling of pride and joy when stepping out of a garage and seeing the VX parked between the repmobiles

I like the Audi Knee one.

Splitter Shin - Similar to Half Audi Knee but reserved for those unlucky folk with rear diffusers

[luna_s]

cupholder shoulder - Trying To use the cupholder while driving, results in shoulder damage. soggy bottom - forgetting your essential towel when its raining.

[fluffy]

filter frustration - that moment when replacing the air filter when you get your arm stuck under the rear clam and it seems the only way to get your arm free is to either dislocate it or start chewing it off at the bicep.

[fluffy]

just got another: Supermarket shove - that moment when you realise that all the shopping you've bought won't fit in the boot until you cram all in and then shut the boot lid on it repeatedly until it shuts. Toblorone Baguette - the interesting shape a french loaf takes after being subjected to "supermarket shove". Parcelshelf roulette - attempting to grab anything of the shelf behind the seats whilst facing forward and driving at the same time. Invariably what your hand comes back with wasn't what you were looking for. right handed gear changing - inevitable in a right hand drive car after attempting parcelshelf roulette and actually getting your arm stuck in a novel albeit uncomfortable twisted position. feet in the air - alludes to position required to fit new clutch spring. Make sure to remove roof and do lots of stretching before attempting. Have mobile phone handy to call emergency services in case you get stuck. halogen back - that back ache sensation you get after fitting a new headlamp bulb halogen paralysis - that back ache sensation you get after fitting two new headlamp bulbs insect illumination - the wonderful experience of having fitted new headlamp bulbs (and put the headlamps back in position) that you realise they only illuminate about 2cm in front of the car and need adjusting (again). lotus position - the stern faced nose in the air position adopted by the majority of the lotus elise owners waved at by a VX owner. that'll do for now. Enjoy!

[Tony_M]

feet in the air - alludes to position required to fit new clutch spring. Make sure to remove roof and do lots of stretching before attempting. Have mobile phone handy to call emergency services in case you get stuck.

That will double up for clipping the bonnet catch back in place after it's popped out.