104 replies to this topic

[dw1]

[Quote] Sorry, but this is really more of a dictionary...

Funniest thing I've read for a while though! [Quote]

Pedant - forum member SAPD (but technically speaking I suppose he's correct)


There are excellent and highly amusing posts on this thread.

Edited by dw1, 11 July 2006 - 10:09 PM.

[mainline]

VS-She - a lady driver of a VX with a sports exhaust! Corsa Soft Top - Colloquial name for the VX inspired by the enlightened views of a certain Vauxhall employee with vast experience of driving both the VX220 and the Vauxhall Corsa Roadworks - the code used when speaking to the missus after returning from those surprisingly long trips to the local shop to get a bread and milk The Jackson - the wearing of a solitary glove on the left hand a-la MJ to avoid getting aluminum frostbite Aluminum Frostbite - a tingling and numbness of the hand caused by operation of the gear lever in winter

[p4cks]

fob tickle - the sensation you get on your right thigh when driving a VX whilst wearing shorts

Edited by p4cks, 12 July 2006 - 04:02 PM.

[Oval_balls]

Yellow Peril - Condition affecting the coolant header tank. Machine Gun Sphincter - Condition affecting the driver whenever the VX hits a bump during breaking, causing the ABS to prematurely cut in. The symptoms are your anal sphincter rapidly opening and closing in time with the cadence of the ABS, as you gracefully glide across a junction into traffic. PMT (Post Machine gun Stress) - The aftermath and impact on yourself and of all other road users that witnessed the conditions that caused Machine Gun Sphincter. Normally preceeded by incredulity that you were unable to brake to a stop from such a low speed over such a long distance.

[EdButler]

I thought this was a fantastic little thread so thought id resurrect it for some of the new owners and add my own weeks ownership knowledge into it Shakey Braking - The feeling of intense fear and panic when the ABS kicks in and the braking force rapidy decreases. This term applies to both the car, driver and any passenger who is adept in knowing how a car is 'supposed' to stop. The Forehead Salute - Driving topless in open sunlight when the "Seat Gobbler" has claimed the drivers sunglasses

[dw1]

Good to see my little baby has been resurrected. I never imagined there would be so many contributions to it, there are some absolute classics e.g. Mainline's Half Audi Knee amongst many others.

Edited by dw1, 07 August 2007 - 12:29 PM.

[james141]

Forgot to add mine from the other week: Refill Roulette - Waiting to see how far you can go once the vague refill message appears.

[ikarl]

the black eye - waving to another vx owner whilst doing 60mph+ with the roof off, normally results in the wind catching the hand and forcefully smacking yourself in the face.


hell no, hell yeah - normally occurs whilst following other vx'ers (Lazy & Jon) at numerous leptons around a ridiculously tight corner, first thoughts mid corner, 'sh!t, hell no.......!', normally followed by 'hell yeah ' as you come screaming out the other side of the corner going faster than when you went in

[EdButler]

A few more Fly Eye - A fly rapidly hurtling out of the upper vents of VX owner without a "Stocking Fetish" which invariably heads for the drivers eye. Warning - causes temporary blindness! Album Skipper (CD) - The facility of the "Next/Previous Track" button when used on a slightly uneven road surface. The resultant track being almost completely random however never the one you want. Track Slipper (CD) - When you want to Fast Forward a mix and hit a pebble.

[jasvxt]

VXR Sweet 16 for sale, great car has covered just under 5k usual VXR goodies = total turd of a car and probably accident damaged

[Cleancutyoungman]

"Tagnut" - van/car driver that hangs off your ass on the motorway.

[TangoAlpha]

An Imran - ("Doing an Imran") Trying to pass off something of questionable history as a mint example. Also involves blatantly denying any problems even when faced with incontrovertible proof.

[andyroo]

'Here comes the aeroplane...' The painful procedure of feeding your VX its life-giving petrol - Forcing it in drop by drop, hand contorted to hold the pump upside down, the cut-off activating if you squeeze any more than the length of a knats eyelash; usually followed by your beloved spitting it all back out again after a moments lost concentration. 'Starter Button/Cloaking Device' As soon as you press that little silver button no other drivers on the road can see you... Except other VX drivers, whose windsheilds are equipped with a VX anti-cloaking device, er, device 'VX'ers Ear' Usually has blood pouring out of it after forgetting that the alarm was set, having just reached in through the open window to grab the mandatory kitchen towel (which has started smelling; see 'Has that always been like that?') 'Has that always been like that?' A sight, sound or smell that turns your stomach with aprehension; has that always been like that? Usually accompanied by the missus telling you to stop fumbling under the dash trying to find that noise whilst driving down the motorway 'Smug git' Knowing all eyes are upon you as you stroll across the garage forecourt. Refrain from giggling like a girl.

[p4cks]

An Imran - ("Doing an Imran") Trying to pass off something of questionable history as a mint example. Also involves blatantly denying any problems even when faced with incontrovertible proof.

Best one, and very fitting. I think it may stick...

[SAPD]

'Here comes the aeroplane...'

The painful procedure of feeding your VX its life-giving petrol - Forcing it in drop by drop, hand contorted to hold the pump upside down, the cut-off activating if you squeeze any more than the length of a knats eyelash; usually followed by your beloved spitting it all back out again after a moments lost concentration.

Spoken, it seems, like a true father... although I'd imagine some on the site would be able to apply the above description to a far less wholesome activity. Possibly with the title, "Here comes my chopper..."

[jazzyjeff]

Reckon most of the above could be covered by TADTS! That would include the "Tooms Fumble" - desperately trying to elongate your arm under the passenger seat to retreive your mobile/cd/coins/[insert other items of monetary or sentimental value] JJ

[dw1]

Reading wierdjams post today got me thinking about a few more entries for the VX Thesaurus Spontanious modification - The uncontrolable act of being overcome and suddenly 'going for it' at the garage, cue Wierdjam's post on 8th Jan 2008 It Only Went In For A Service......., ....came out with a stage 2 Modificationitis - an incurable disease that sneaks up on you, first caught by lurking around the vx forums. Its symptons include whistfully lusting after bent pieces of metal (exhausts) and helplessly shelling out untold amounts of money in the vain hope that you'll cure your disease 'once I've got this mod done'. Modifications Anonymous - 'Hello, my name is dw1, and I'm a modifyer.' The first stage of Acknowledgemnet, the long road to recovery to someone who attends MA meetings and will no doubt fall off the wagon several times on way.

[Yellow_or_black?]

Jack Sh1t - either the nauseating anticipation, or the vomit-inducing reality, of finding the car hasn't been jacked up via the correct jacking points. See 'Chassis Panic'. Petrol Pump Pilates - contorting oneself into ludicrous positions to prevent the pump from scratching the bodywork. Pseudonym Punch-up - a violent reaction, sometimes resulting in arrest, to the VX being called something disparaging to your face eg Tonka Toy.

Edited by Yellow_or_black?, 08 January 2008 - 10:29 PM.

[SilverstoneVX]

I have not laughed so much for ages Thanks for resurrecting this post for us newbies to enjoy

[Yellow_or_black?]

Sill Septicemia (colloq.: 'Don't scratch my sills') - the slow poisoning of one's blood caused by toxins released through the knawing and all-consuming self-regulation of one's mouth, prompted by social pressures, preventing one at all given opportunities advising (also known as 'ordering') passengers not to scratch one's sills.

Fall flat on your face, and get gravel up your nose, but don't scratch my sills.
No, leave your bags in the footwell whilst you get out of the car - you need to see your feet whilst you exit, so you don't scratch my sills.

VX Boot - storage compartment in VXs utilised mainly for passenger right arms. Failure to thus utilise the stowaway during flight may result in extreme cases of unintended elbowing, and subsequent extensive misunderstandings. Also see 'Seat Belt Shuffle'.

But you must fancy me - you kept rubbing elbows with me whilst changing gears.

Seat Belt Shuffle - a condition suffered by VX drivers carrying passengers, whereby they wonder whether to dive in quickly and fasten their seat belt - so as to avoid unwanted sumptoms of 'VX Boot', or be polite and pretend to fiddle with something else whilst waiting for the relatively unknown passenger to fiddle for hours with theirs first.

Edited by Yellow_or_black?, 08 January 2008 - 11:15 PM.