104 replies to this topic

[EdButler]

Bonnet Handle Gamble - When some unsuspecting imposter tries to to open your bonnet, not knowing that they have a 50% chance (which invariably seems to be the one they take) to pull the bleeding thing off! More often than not followed by a case of owner swearing and "feet in the air." The Tall Demise Device - The behind-head 'safety feature' that will more likely than not kill a driver over 6'2" or above in the event of a rear end shunt. Boot Release Grease - The essential additive to the boot release mechanism that if neglected for over 6-months, results in the boot getting jammed shut. Often contributing to a "20 minute milkshake." Spatula Stretch - Conducted on a VX with insufficient "Boot release grease." The process of stretching your arms wide enough with a wooden/plastic cooking spatula (Or similar wedging device) in the left* hand, providing a levering force on the boot, whilst operating the boot release handle with the right* hand. (* Hands inverted for LHD Opel Speedsters) Sorry this is still my fave thread on this forum so thought of a few more

[Tolksee]

Beirut Bumper - The stonechipped affliction of all front bumpers not fitted with Paintshield. Caused by Cottage Cheese paint.

[simsy]

Quote:-

'Here comes the aeroplane...'

The painful procedure of feeding your VX its life-giving petrol - Forcing it in drop by drop, hand contorted to hold the pump upside down, the cut-off activating if you squeeze any more than the length of a knats eyelash; usually followed by your beloved spitting it all back out again after a moments lost concentration.


'Baby Blues' - That deeply unsettleing feeling a parent gets when paying for fuel after a petrol splash back, when he leaves his first born in the car while paying....
Looking out the garage window and not looking at the casher as if the car is more important than manners.... ( calculating how to remove child from burning car)

I will take him in with me to pay next time - he was not bothered as high as a fool on petrol fumes when I got back...

[boghouse]

....Got underseat hand right now (goddam house brochures )....... and STILL get chassis panic every time a pothole jumps out and gets me (why is the VX a magnet for pot-holed you just NEVER find in your tin top?? ) Windscreen Woooaahhhh!!!!....The noise that eminates from the VX owners mouth when their passenger uses the windscreen surround in an attempt to lift themselves out of their seat

[SamVx]

The Shop Window - Watching your reflection at every opportunity "Its made by lotus" - The response to those who ask about it and don't understand the initial reply of "It's a Vauxhall"

[Yellow_or_black?]

Sun Visor Hand - holding up one's arm and utilising the hand as a sun ray blockage mechanism, in an attempt to stop El Sol from burning out one's retina

[Jameshs]

at this thread, chassie panic lol

[2009vx220]

The Shop Window - Watching your reflection at every opportunity

Haha so true. This thread is hilarious, only had mine a week an done most of these already, especially like 'forum paranoia' - i am actually paranoid that there is something wrong with my car, every noise i hear or smell i smell makes me wonder..!

[dw1]

Love Windscreen Woooaahhhh!!! VX Aero - not related to aerodynamics of the old brick shape, but actually refers to the bubbly Nestle chocolate bar. As in "Oh no! My bootlids gone all Aero on me" Vauxhall Pontius Pilot – the act of Vauxhall washing their hands of any responsibility. As in, "they’ve gone all Pontius on me with my VX Aero"

Edited by dw1, 25 January 2009 - 09:00 PM.

[2009vx220]

How about complusory cleaning syndrome...having to clean her every weekend even if she doesn't really need it...i can see this being me, 100% record so far, early days though!

[turbobob]

Cabin Missile - the transformation of an otherwise unassuming inanimate object into deadly forehead seaking missile during Lead foot lift off Lead foot lift off - the resulting action of firmly planting your right foot to the floor in first and second gear.

[hogman]

This thread is superb, by far the best thread I have ever read, been laughing for ages now - oh how true they all are too! Keep it up guys, this must become a sticky!

[turbobob]

This thread is superb, by far the best thread I have ever read, been laughing for ages now - oh how true they all are too!

Keep it up guys, this must become a sticky!

Agreed - Thesaurus for VX220 Owners to become a sticky!!!

Very funny, I still keep chuckling to myself and actually using the phrases when taking various people out in the car.

[Garry.L]

The Mick Jagger. Newbie VX owners who 5 minutes after buying the car turn into Mick Jagger and start Singing "I want to paint it Black" The 'Arfur Daly. Wide boy chancers who haven't got a clue what a VX is - but 'fink 'coz of the credit crunch they can buy a £3k 'minter to impress their M8's.....

Edited by Garry.L, 17 March 2009 - 12:19 PM.

[jimgraham]

Machine Gun Sphincter - Condition affecting the driver whenever the VX hits a bump during breaking, causing the ABS to prematurely cut in. The symptoms are your anal sphincter rapidly opening and closing in time with the cadence of the ABS, as you gracefully glide across a junction into traffic.

LMFAO (and spat my tea over my keyboard)!!

[Yellow_or_black?]

Reminded of this by another thread; bumped for the noobs

[ad551]

Just spent half an hour literally ROFLing at this thread I'll add one for now: Inappropriately getting the horn - those moments when you turn into a junction in town and, whilst letting a lovely lady pedestrian cross the road, you offend her by accidentally getting the horn.

[EdButler]

Grease Head - A case of 'Boot Lid Head' gone wrong; spreading copper grease over the owners hair. One of the few VX'isms i dont miss!!

[FLD]

How about the VX roll. The only method remaining to passengers for exiting the waggon after experiencing such delights as windscreen whooooaaah from the driver and 'dont push there'. Twas really funny watching my missus exit ass first in the strange rolling manouver (sp?)

[FLD]

Hows about the VX Vomit - the strange occurance when you first go and try one. Realising you cant get out theres a brief struggle then the car vomits you out onto the pavement. Avoided by... VX panic - First experience of a VX and realise you cant get out. Panic and buy it driving away immediately!